be still, and know

I was sitting by my bedroom window, journaling prayers like, "Just tell me what to do and I'll do it," and "I'm so tired of thinking about this." Why. What. How. It isn't fair. I don't get it. Tell me.

Outside on the sidewalk, a little girl in bright pink capris and a pale pink hoody, her blonde hair in sloppy pigtails, pushed herself down the center of the apartment complex on her scooter. She must've hit a stone or a crack in the sidewalk, because she toppled over and just sat there, stunned.

Her pre-teen brother came up behind her on his skateboard. "Uh-oh. Are you okay?"

She started to wail like both her hands had been cut off. I remember those sidewalk falls: The way that pebbles and dirt would leave craters and scrapes on your palms and knees. Painful enough for tears, yes, but not for amputation-worthy screams.

"Come on, let's go inside." Her brother pulled her up by her elbow and she staggered into the grass as though now both her ankles had been broken.

She screamed louder, and I was amused. Children.

Then her dad came around the corner. "Are you okay?" He asked calmly. "Let Daddy see."
She howled.
"Roxine. Let Daddy see."
More wailing.
Intense, gut-deep screams.
"Let Daddy see."
He looked at her hands and led her inside their apartment.

That's when I started laughing. I had judged this little girl like a righteous adult thinking, "Oh, how wee little ones overreact to their surroundings."

But then I realized that I am that tiny pink girl, focusing so hard on the little scrapes and screaming so loudly, and God just so patiently stands by waiting for me to calm down enough for Him to heal me.

I think that "be still, and know that I am God" could also be translated into the profound, soul-changing truth that the Lord is trustworthy to be completely vulnerable with.

He knows you, heart and soul, and He will never stop loving you. He never asks you to figure it out or transform yourself. He just wants to be the fullness of who He is, in you. It's up to us to let Him.

Let Daddy see.



Thankful that the Holy Spirit gives us words months before we even know we'll need them. Proof that God goes before us and knows what we'll need in order to walk through whatever is ahead.

Here's what I wrote in my journal on December 31st, 2012:


 - The Lord knows you, heart and soul.
 - As long as you are trusting the Lord, you're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing.
 - Your successes and your failures answer to no one but God - He is your judge.
 - God is aware of everything, and He sees what others may never see.
 - He is all you need, but you must trust Him to receive Him.
 - When your soul rests in Him, no outside tumult can shake you.

He is faithful, y'all. And sometimes that is all He gives us to hold onto in the change and transition and uncertainty.

But it's more than enough.
Even if I walk through a very dark valley, I will not be afraid, because you are with me. - Psalm 23:4a NCV