be still, and know

I was sitting by my bedroom window, journaling prayers like, "Just tell me what to do and I'll do it," and "I'm so tired of thinking about this." Why. What. How. It isn't fair. I don't get it. Tell me.

Outside on the sidewalk, a little girl in bright pink capris and a pale pink hoody, her blonde hair in sloppy pigtails, pushed herself down the center of the apartment complex on her scooter. She must've hit a stone or a crack in the sidewalk, because she toppled over and just sat there, stunned.

Her pre-teen brother came up behind her on his skateboard. "Uh-oh. Are you okay?"

She started to wail like both her hands had been cut off. I remember those sidewalk falls: The way that pebbles and dirt would leave craters and scrapes on your palms and knees. Painful enough for tears, yes, but not for amputation-worthy screams.

"Come on, let's go inside." Her brother pulled her up by her elbow and she staggered into the grass as though now both her ankles had been broken.

She screamed louder, and I was amused. Children.

Then her dad came around the corner. "Are you okay?" He asked calmly. "Let Daddy see."
She howled.
"Roxine. Let Daddy see."
More wailing.
"Roxine."
Intense, gut-deep screams.
"ROXINE."
Silence.
"Let Daddy see."
He looked at her hands and led her inside their apartment.

That's when I started laughing. I had judged this little girl like a righteous adult thinking, "Oh, how wee little ones overreact to their surroundings."

But then I realized that I am that tiny pink girl, focusing so hard on the little scrapes and screaming so loudly, and God just so patiently stands by waiting for me to calm down enough for Him to heal me.

I think that "be still, and know that I am God" could also be translated into the profound, soul-changing truth that the Lord is trustworthy to be completely vulnerable with.

He knows you, heart and soul, and He will never stop loving you. He never asks you to figure it out or transform yourself. He just wants to be the fullness of who He is, in you. It's up to us to let Him.

Let Daddy see.

encouragement

Thankful that the Holy Spirit gives us words months before we even know we'll need them. Proof that God goes before us and knows what we'll need in order to walk through whatever is ahead.

Here's what I wrote in my journal on December 31st, 2012:

TRUTHS TO CARRY INTO 2013:

 - The Lord knows you, heart and soul.
 - As long as you are trusting the Lord, you're doing exactly what you're supposed to be doing.
 - Your successes and your failures answer to no one but God - He is your judge.
 - God is aware of everything, and He sees what others may never see.
 - He is all you need, but you must trust Him to receive Him.
 - When your soul rests in Him, no outside tumult can shake you.

He is faithful, y'all. And sometimes that is all He gives us to hold onto in the change and transition and uncertainty.

But it's more than enough.

Even if I walk through a very dark valley, I will not be afraid, because you are with me. - Psalm 23:4a NCV

Lent

Remember Twila Paris? Please take a moment and listen to this song. Then let me welcome you to my childhood.

I have always known that God is in control. I have always believed that God is in control. But it's pretty easy to walk along and live your own life, knowing and believing that God is in control, all the while making your own decisions and doing your own thing.

Then something happens that you did not plan. Maybe it's bad, like somebody dies or breaks up with you or you lose your job. And you're forced to face the reality that you are completely dependent on God. That your life is not your own.

For me, it's not what I've been losing but what I keep being given.

Being given something you did not expect can be just as difficult to trust God with as when you lose something you did not expect.

I was thinking yesterday morning about the job I have, the relationships I have, the life I have. They are all vastly different than I ever imagined. And God keeps giving me things, and I keep saying, "I did not ask for this," and He keeps saying, "Trust Me with it."

Being given something makes you just as dependent on God as when you lose something.

This is why I love that it is Lent. It's a season specifically designed to show us how dependent we are on God. And I take so much comfort in knowing that the One who is in control of my life is completely and wholly trustworthy. It's only when we completely depend on Him that He is able to show Himself dependable.

Cling to Him.

"While Jeremiah was still confined in the courtyard of the guard, the word of the Lord came to him a second time: 'This is what the Lord says, he who made the earth, the Lord who formed it and established it—the Lord is his name: "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know."'" Jeremiah 33:1-3 NIV84

morning promises

My alarm woke me up this morning to Will Reagan & United Pursuit. I am naturally a morning person, so smiling when I wake up is not unusual for me. My first thought is usually, "I LOVE MORNING!" (Not an exaggeration.) But my first thought this morning was a little different.

One of my favorite promises that God has been fulfilling in my life recently is that He is all I need.

Sometimes I start to look at who's getting married, who's having kids, who's making more money than I am, who's driving a better car than I am, who has family living near to them, etc. And I wonder at God, "Why haven't You blessed me with all of these things?" And I feel discouraged and discontented and a little sad, like maybe there's something wrong with me or that I'm not as "treasured" or "valued" or "deserving" as someone else.

And once I've thought these thoughts, I've taken my eyes off Jesus.

Because here's the thing about Jesus: He gives.

I'm not talking about the Pollyanna "glad game" where you make a list of all the blessings you have been given (which is a very good thing to do).

I am talking about finding everything and all in the One whose love and grace goes deeper and fuller than any person or thing ever could.

He gives us Himself.

There are a lot of things I want, and a lot of things I don't understand why I don't have. But here is where that Will Reagan & United Pursuit song comes in:

I take all those things that tell me I am incomplete, that tell me I am not where I could be or should be, that tell me there's more that I could have, and lay them at Jesus' feet and pray,

If I give it all to You, will You make it all new?

Because He does. He has. He continues to take what I give Him and make it into something I would not have designed for myself. Sometimes that means giving Him something I really want and telling Him that I trust that whatever He gives will be better.

And it is.

Because when He gives you Himself, it is far better assurance that you are treasured and valued than if He were to give you every blessing on earth.

I do not comfort myself in my "losses" but counting all the blessings He has given me. I allow Him to comfort me and show me that there is no loss when I find everything I need in Him.

"The works of his hands are faithful and just; all his precepts are trustworthy." - Psalm 11:7