God's provision

I have been thinking about God's provision lately, and what it means to be taken care of.

Last night in my Bible study we were talking about steps of faith. One girl shared that she was so afraid to move away from home, but once she did things started happening to show her that God was taking care of her. "It was so difficult to take that first step," she said, "but once I did, that first step was like a springboard for so many other things to happen." All the other ladies in the room nodded like they all had similar experiences.

I wanted to raise my hand and say, "Excuse me, but what if God doesn't provide?"

It has been four months since I lost my job and church. Three months since I came down with Mono. Two months since I wrecked my car. And a week since my relationship ended.

And every morning I wake up and walk, and every single step is by faith. I cannot turn to the left or to the right without it being by faith. I have no other choice. But where is the springboard? It seems to me like bad things keep happening. It seems to me like the faith I build is never a springboard for some sort of destination, but merely preparation for more difficulty I'm about to face.

I am tired of people saying, "As soon as I became content with being single, I found my husband," and, "As soon as I stopped looking for it, it came," and, "As soon as I stepped out in faith, my whole future became bright."

Sometimes it works that way. But it doesn't always work that way.

I'm looking through the Old and New Testaments, and I'm not really seeing any springboards. I'm seeing 40 years of waiting in wilderness, 40 days of waiting in deserts, and hundreds of years of waiting for a Redeemer. I see a lot of waiting. I don't see a lot of God promising, "As soon as _____, then _____." I see more verses like Habakkuk 3:17-19, where we promise, "Even though _____, yet I will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in the God of my salvation."

God provides. I see it every day through friends who care about me and family who love me. But more than that, I see it in the intangible ways He is with me. We often define God's provision by where He takes us, what He gives us, how we end up where we do. But God's provision, at its basest form, is Himself.

My life seems to be not-so-slowly crumbling all around me, and it would be easy for me to cry out that God is not taking care of me. He is not providing. If the formula for God's provision were, "As soon as _____, then _____," then I could definitely argue that He is not providing for me.

But God's provision is not a formula. He does not handle everybody's life the same way. For me, it seems as though He has this plan that is taking a super long time to refine. And I must say, "Even though I can't find a job, even though I don't have a home church anymore, even though I still owe money on my car, even though I am losing people I love, YET I will rejoice in the Lord. I will trust that He loves me, fights for me, and works for my good, no matter what or how long it takes."

That's provision. Sometimes all the other stuff takes a little longer (or A LOT longer) to happen, but God's presence is always with you.

The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. - Deuteronomy 31:8 NIV

sing a new song

I read this this morning:

I will trust, and will not be afraid; for the Lord God is my strength and my song, and he has become my salvation. - Isaiah 12:2 ESV

Depending on the translation, that word "song" is also "defense" and "protection."

This past weekend I got to hear from Aaron Keyes. One thought, among many great thoughts on worship he shared, was that we have the ability to sing something God has never heard before. Our voices singing what's on our hearts in whatever melody we choose is an offering more pleasing and intimate to the Lord than singing the words that somebody else writes.

So I look at the correlation between "trust" and "singing." How song can be a defense and a protection. Why Matt Maher sings, "Teach my song to rise to You when temptation comes my way," instead of "teach my prayer" or "my plea" or "my thoughts."

There is something very valuable and very powerful about singing to the Lord. Something freeing. Something that proclaims trust more than just speaking it or writing it or thinking it.

Sing a new song to the Lord (Psalm 96:1), and just see. See that the Lord is good. And see what a difference it makes in your heart and in your trust.

When you start to feel afraid, affirm your trust in me....Speak or sing praises to me, and my face will shine radiantly upon you. - Jesus Calling

directional thoughts

I miss creating. I read somewhere that humans long to create because they are made in the image of God, who is Creator. We create because He created and creates. But then I also read (maybe in the same place?) that we don’t really create anything, because everything has already been created – we just innovate.

Whatever. I miss making stuff.

The doctor at the walk-in clinic told me I should write more. Because obviously in the 5 seconds that he shone a light in my ear he learned a lot about my brain.

“If you find yourself writing all the time, maybe you should consider being a writer,” he said.

I don’t find myself writing all the time, I wanted to say back. I find myself sitting on my porch watching wasps fly into this whole in my wall and wondering how little wasp eyes see the world.

At first I was perturbed at Dr. Burns, whose large glasses and skinny body made him look like a guest star on a Saved By the Bell or Full House episode. You don’t know me, I thought. Stop trying to diagnose me psychologically and just give me something to make the glands in my neck stop mimicking golf balls.

But it’s been two weeks and I can’t stop thinking about his words.

Oh, transitions. Adjusting. Figuring out who you are amidst change, and what about you is foundational regardless of the soil you set your feet on. How much of who you are do you become through discipline, practice, and education, and how much of who you are, you just are?

This will be the prologue to my memoir. I’m currently accepting title suggestions.

why God gives good things

I have not been able to stop listening to, singing, and thinking about this song since I first heard it four weeks ago. It was at the end of a season I never thought would end - which is silly, I guess, because seasons always end and I should know that by now.

I am still trying to figure out what comes next, but yesterday God let me in on a little secret that has kind of ravished the way I think about His plans for me. Because here's what the song says:

All Your plans are for Your glory
Yes, we can know You are good

If all His plans were for our glory, they'd be contingent on our performance, behavior, and worthiness.

But GUESS WHAT: His plans are for His glory, and He is always worthy, so His plans will always be good.

He plans things for the good of His name, to bring glory to Himself.

HEY. (This is me trying to figure out how to tell you how revolutionary this news is.) God will never plan evil or bad things for you, because He will never be untrue to who He is, and He will never bring evil or bad to Himself. He is pure. He is good. He is holy. And WE get the promise of good things because HE is good.

Am I talking in circles?

God is good. It is who He is. And it is more comforting to me to know that He will always plan good things for me because He wants to bring glory to His name, than if I were to believe that He plans good things for me because I deserve them. Because I don't deserve them. And I would much rather trust in a God who is worthy of glory than in my own feeble efforts to do good things.

I hope it brings comfort to you, too.

Our purpose is to bring glory to God. So if He's taking you from here to there, it must be because you will bring Him more glory there than you will here. - my friend Katie