You Are What You Eat

I couldn't sleep the other night, so I googled Planet Earth in an attempt to find videos of Birds of Paradise. They're crazy. Then my roommate came in and of course I had to show her the male Bird of Paradise trying to seduce the female Bird of Paradise. It's like the SciFy channel, only real life.

My roommate and I then started talking about whether Satan has access to our dreams. We can change subjects really fast. And this topic led us to discuss, until 2:30 in the morning, the lies that Satan feeds us.

In my old apartment, there were burn marks in the carpet that left melted patches of stiff fibers in random parts of my floor. I distinctly remember kneeling next to one of these burn marks one day after work, crying. My friend, who had been praying for me over the phone, said, "Heather, what I just keep getting is that you're believing lies."

I struggle against believing lies every single day. My mind is a rarely-inactive battleground. Mostly the lies I believe center around the word "enough." I'm not good enough. Smart enough. Creative enough. Strong enough. I don't have enough to offer. Also, things like: They'd be better with someone else. I'll never overcome this. I'm not needed. If only I were like this, I'd be better.

Sometimes it's a lot easier to believe lies than to believe truth. For whatever reason. Maybe because we have a hard time distinguishing between what we feel and what is truth. Or because sometimes the circumstances seem truer than what the truth really is. Or maybe it's just easier to have a pity-party and go outside and eat some worms than to be challenged and grow in spite (or because) of it.

Psalm 37:3 (NCV) uses the phrase "feed on truth." I like to imagine God's truth as our sustenance; the fuel that makes us go, gives us energy, feeds our brains, strengthens our hearts and our muscles.

But you know what? I don't think Satan is ever going to stop feeding us lies. He's never going to get tired and say, "Well, I've told her enough falsehoods for the month of September, so I think I'll take a little break."

A friend in church pointed out yesterday that, in Psalm 23, God prepares a feast for us in the presence of our enemies. Satan may never stop telling us lies, but God will also never stop speaking and being Truth. It's up to us to choose which we feed on.

What lies are you believing? And how can you choose to feed on truth?

The Smallest Measuring Cup

I turned 25 last week.

People ask me if I feel older, and I do. Not because I've had a birthday, or because I pay my own bills, or because I fall asleep at 9pm, or because my joints hurt. (Though those are all valid reasons to feel old...er.)

I'm coming to realize that the older I get, the better life gets. The stronger my friendships become. The more I learn about myself. The more I see of the character and qualities and attributes of God.

Maybe, as a kid, you get to have a larger percentage of fun and don't worry about as many things. But you also, as a kid, don't have the capacity to actually acknowledge and be grateful that, at the time, the fun things are outweighing the worrisome things. And fun taken for granted is not long remembered.

On Saturday (my birthday), my friend Katie, over tea, said to me, "In comparing life to measuring cups, you are the smallest measuring cup."

It made me feel young, obviously, because I'm still nesting in four larger measuring cups (if you count thirds...which, let's be accurate here, folks, because baking is a science). But it also made me excited to grow older, because the older you get, the fuller life gets. The more you know. The more you experience. The more you can hold.

My life is pretty full right now, but I'm only the smallest measuring cup. I'm looking forward to growing.

Just as each day brims with beauty, my mouth brims with praise. - Psalm 71:8

Celebration of Discipline

When my alarm went off this morning, I sat up in bed and said, "You have no discipline, and you need some."

Apparently my subconscious had been lecturing me in my sleep.

The other day, I got this fortune in my Chinese fortune cookie:

At first I thought, "This is awesome."

But the thought that followed directly afterward was, "No, I won't." 

I would love to be an accomplished writer, but, even if I am a talented writer, I will never become an accomplished writer, because I don't write. Because I have no discipline. I only write when I'm inspired, when I feel like it, when I want to.

Just because my room is clean doesn't mean I'm disciplined. I just like to clean. If I hated to clean and my room was clean, then I'd be a disciplined person. As it is, I'm very, very poor at doing things I do not want to do.

I've quit a lot of things in my life. Ballet, gymnastics, playing the piano, playing the flute, public school, choir, Business Management, boring novels. I'm pretty undisciplined. Especially...when it comes to eating.

A couple weeks ago I told my boss I'd save him some Cheez-Its and he said, "Can you? I know you. If there's food in front of you, you'll eat it."

I can't even take offense at that, because there's nothing false about that statement.

(But I DID save him some Cheez-Its. So...step one on the road to discipline.)

Discipline's biggest enemy is self-justification. If I can justify something in my mind, I have overruled discipline. I want to eat 7 cookies. They have oatmeal in them, and raisins. Hello, healthy. I went running this morning, it's fine. I haven't eaten this many truffles in, like, three days. So it's like a treat, really. If you think about it. Really.

God has been telling me a lot recently about discipline. Discipline is what it takes to grow. Discipline is what God uses on us to help us grow, and discipline is what we institute in ourselves to help us grow.

In what areas do you want to grow? Reading more? Praying more? Thinking of others more? Eating less? Buying less? Being more generous? Being less selfish? Being a better cook?

In case you simply need some encouragement: Take some steps to discipline yourself. (Tell me this, too.)

Write out the names of those you want to pray for and tape it to your shower to pray through every morning.

Fill out one of these calendars for 100 days, each day checking off the same three habits (or disciplines) you really want to be a part of your life.

Stop eating 7 cookies.

I'm not willing to sacrifice growth and character for comfort and temporary satisfaction.

He will die for lack of discipline, led astray by his own great folly. - Proverbs 5:23

Soon, but Not Yet

New seasons. Aren't you glad we have them?

Soon it will be autumn. Soon there will be football. Soon there will be pumpkin cupcakes. Soon I will snuggle into bed and wake up in the dark and drink tea while wrapped in an afghan.

But summer has been full: Of days lying beside the pool in warm, easy sunshine; of early morning runs through still-sleeping neighborhoods and just-awoken sprinklers; of homemade fruit smoothies with blackberry seeds stuck in my teeth.

I'm thankful for new seasons. I'm thankful for newness.

The same is true in life. There are seasons, and sometimes I'm very happy to see that the one I am in is ending, and a new one's beginning. Not immediately; perhaps it starts with just a sniff of air that smells more like crisp leaves than mown grass, or a sky that looks a little clearer and colder than rippling and blazing hot.

But these [just] glimpses of newness give me hope to finish out the season I'm in. It's okay that the sweat will still run down my legs, for now, because soon I know I will be wearing sweatshirts and Sketchers and homemade knitted socks.

Soon, but not yet.

In the meantime, let God do what He does in the season that's right for it. Let Him bloom the flowers when it's right for them to bloom. Let Him wither the fig tree when it's right for it to wither. Sometimes He puts you in the fire, but to walk through it in your own strength simply leaves you charred at the end of the day. He doesn't desire charring, but refining; transforming; renewing; always with hope that this season won't last forever, and a new season is coming.

And He gives us seasons because no one knows better what is needed to grow you than the One who created you.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases; his mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is your faithfulness. "The Lord is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in him." - Lamentations 3:22-24 ESV